emergence

i was never really taught how to be so is it ok that i am still finding out / so is it ok that i don’t fully understand the function of my palms and the meaning of their itch / and is it ok that i need to run and when i remain i am still running / so is it ok to hoard my breaths for the times i lose track of where they come from / so is it ok to mourn so much / so is it ok to (still) think about jumping, cutting, gassing and swallowing / so it is ok to have poetry as my mistress–the one I run to when I don’t want to explain myself / and is it ok to still prepare for how i’d like to end / and is it ok that i spit ghosts out of me each morning before breakfast / and is it ok that i quietly gather them up and swallow them back inside me / and is it ok to need these ghosts / and is it ok if i am one of these ghosts / and can you just let me know if you’re ok because i am not or maybe i am / and let’s just be still / let’s just be still /let’s just be still (in this)